I want a change

Well I am trying to come to the conclusion that I need a change in my life.

I feel stuck. I am tried of trying to save money for school and not having enough making minimum wage. It just keeps delaying my graduation which really annoys me. I have other things to pay for as well, I don't want to pay all my tuition and have an emergency and no money left. I am 23 live at home and want to take the burden off my parents. I don't make enough money to take care of myself and I DON'T LIKE IT! Every year I grow older and it stays the same, live at home go to Community College. Well not next year I am taking a break possibly. It is going to take me forever to graduate and at this point I am just angry. I know my parents could help, but I wanted to do it myself. My classes are going to be mostly internet which is not good for me. I did well last semester and this semester I am slacking off, because I don't like reading and not being in class learning with my classmates. I do well in a classroom setting. I am a visual learner.

I tried to not let it bother me, but I knew this semester would get to me. I am tried of trying and failing all the time. Whether it is money or grades. Maybe it isn't working out because it isn't where I am supposed to be. I just picked it so I could get a diploma. ALL I WANT IS A DIPLOMA!!! I am burned out I think with college. I took two semesters off before and I think I miss not dealing with school. I usually go back more driven. I know I can be a driven person and stubbon at times, like I am right now. I think I KNOW what is best for me, but obliviously I don't since I change my mind all the time. I really just need to trust Jesus and stop trying to be practical and rationalize every thing I do. I am a unhappy person and if I don't stop and change it I may grow into a bitter old lady.

Ugh

Sometimes it feels like I can't do much right.

November already.

I feel blah emotionally and physically. I am ready to be done with college and start my career. This is taking too long.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 30

A picture of someone you miss, my cousin Benjamin. He died 5 years ago. He was the humor of our family. I miss him most during the holidays and his birthday. It is strange to write a Christmas list and not include him or sit in the Christmas circle and not see his face. You don't really think about all the ways a person has shaped your life until they are gone. I don't like to talk about him too much because it makes me sad. I usually just bottle it up. I haven't come to terms with him being gone completely. In my head he is still away at college, even though I know he isn't. I didn't see him that much since I lived in Maryland then so he was usually at college.I miss his humor the most though. He was a creative and funny individual who brighten our family and would have continued to be.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 29

Source: None via Sarah on Pinterest

A picture that makes you smile, kittens chillin in a sink.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 28

Source: Uploaded by user via ashley on Pinterest

A picture of something your afraid of ,being single all my life and unloved. Hey it runs through a single lady's head.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 27

A picture of you and a family member, my grandma and I. I love my Grandma! I love going to her house and watching period dramas with her like Cranford and playing games. I have a bed at Grandma's that is pretty much mine. It has flannel sheets. She cooks great food as well. She is unselfish and caring. I am very lucky to have an amazing women to call Mom (called her that as a child and my "Mom" Mommy) Grandma, Grandmama, Grand Hizzy or whatever else.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 26

A picture of something that means a lot to you, family means a lot to me. I am very thankful to God to have a great and close family. My cousin Mary Anne took family photos last year at our summer vacation in Gatlinburg. I am thankful that we have more up to date family photos now.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 25

A picture of your day, I came home from Grandma's and was happy to see my kitten, Deuce.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 24

Source: None via Kelly on Pinterest

A picture of something you wish you could change, being better at school. It would be great to be able to understand stuff without having to study much or at all.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 23

Credit to Google for the Image
A picture of your favorite book. I don't read much so I don't have one.

I am going out of town and will not be able to do day 24 till Sunday so I will post day 24 and 25 Sunday.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 22

Source: None via Aimee on Pinterest

A picture of something you wish you were better at flirting, this girl don't have much game.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 21

Source: piccsy.com via Ruslan on Pinterest

A picture of something you wish you could forget. How long I have been in college.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 20

Source: sunsurfer.tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

A picture of somewhere you would love to travel. I want to see the English Countryside. The homes and little towns that are in BBC miniseries and in movies. They just take you back to a time period when things were a lot different. It is like traveling through time.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 19

A picture when you were little. I was probably 4 years old, my parents were trying to get a picture for our Christmas card. Here you go Jessica an awkward hands photo.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 18

Source: i.imgur.com via Chrissy on Pinterest

A picture of your biggest insecurity. I have a lot like my looks and not being smart enough. Part of my insecurity about not being smart enough is my lack of understanding even some basic math, so I picked math. I really really dislike math it takes me back to school when I was in special education and makes me feel less educated then all the other children all over again. So for now I am just discontinuing my exploration of mathematics.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently, which is my church. I got baptized there and that is a big deal. I have met a lot of new and great people. It took us a long time to find the right church. Thanks to Chris and Jasmine we found it. A lot of good things happened this year because God brought us together and to this church. This is what our church looked like decorated for my friend Valarie's wedding who I met at church.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 16

Source: barewalls.com via Kami on Pinterest

The person who Inspires you. Katharine Hepburn told people how she felt and she did and dressed in what she wanted to. She was her own person with her own thoughts. I admire that she was able to do her own thing and didn't care what other people thought I am opposite of that.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 15

Credit Google for Image

A picture of something you want to do before you die. I want to travel internationally. I have been to Canada when I was about 12. I want to go across the ocean to a different Continent. Probably Asia or Europe.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 14

A person you can't imagine your life without. My brother, I can't really imagine being an only child. Even though we don't get along many times, he is still my brother and my only brother and sibling so he is special and can't be replaced. I love you Jimmy!

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 13

Source: None via Sarah on Pinterest

Your Favorite band or artist. Coldplay! Their music is lovely and well composed.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 12

A picture of something you love, I love to sleep and apparently Deuce enjoys sleeping as well. We both sleep a lot.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 11

Credit to Google
A picture out something you hate. This should be my new motto. I severely dislike getting out of bed in the morning. I love to sleep. Unless I have an exciting day then I want to sleep a lot.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 10

The person you do the most messed up things with is my friend Roopa. I wouldn't really say messed up things with, but she gets me out of my comfort zone which is good. I will think about something and she will give me the confidence to do it like the time I held a big snake and when I dyed my hair. She is a great friend to have. We don't really do messed up things just random funny stuff.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 9

A picture of a person who has gotten you through the most. My mom she is the one person that I tell my problems to. She will listen to my irrational problems. We are shopping buddies and good friends. We get along well. I am thankful that I have a great mom who cares about me and loves me despite my indecisiveness.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 8

A picture that makes you laugh. LOOT BAGS!! I was making loot bags for my 5th birthday party that was Barney themed.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 7

Most treasured item,my scrapbooks and my photos. You can't replace them.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 6

Credit Google for image
A picture of the person you would love to trade places with for a day. Anthony Bourdain he gets to travel ALL over the world,try food, and meet new people. I would like to travel to foreign countries.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 5

A picture of my favorite memory. Going to Alabama as a child and seeing my family. I would watch home movies the night before we would leave to get myself excited. As I stated before my cousin Anna and I are close. The top picture is from a family trip to Ocean City,MD when my Aunt Brenda and my three cousins came. My cousin Anna and I had a band , Jimmy was our dancer and Benjamin was our manager. The bottom picture is us playing dress up at my Grandma's house in Alabama. It is hard to pick just one picture to express my memory, since there are a lot of great ones.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 4

A picture from your favorite night.The night I graduated High School, June 13th 2006. This is my favorite night so far I suppose. I think there are better nights to come.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 3

A picture of the cast of your favorite TV show. It is hard to pick a favorite TV show, but I enjoy Arrested Development. It is one of the weirdest TV shows I have ever seen. It has me cracking up. I love GOB.

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 2

Today's challenge was to put a picture of the person you have been the closest to the longest. This is my cousin Anna and I. We are 2 years apart in age. I am older. I would see her once or twice a year when I lived in Maryland. Sometimes she would come and stay with us when she was old enough. One time when we were leaving Alabama I packed her somethings so she could leave too. Now that I live in Alabama we live closer to each other and I get to see her more especially on Holidays. I love you Anna!

30 day Picture Challenge. Day 1

Photo By Roopa Iyer

1. I have 2 middle names
2. I sleep a lot
3. Gone with the Wind is my favorite movie
4. I enjoy a good BBC miniseries
5. I love Mexican food
6. I love my family
7. I am Pessimistic
8. I am the Oldest child in my family
9. I don't ride roller coaster expect baby ones pretty much
10. I like to sing and dance in my car
11. I have a journal that I write in sometimes and started witting in a journal again after my car accident.It helped to calm me down
12. I am a Literal person yet I can be irrational
13. I like Boy Bands
14. I am lazy most of the time
15. I am saving myself until marriage

Yeah

Source: google.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Keep your Head up.

I knew this semester was going to be a challenge. Not because I had a lot of classes or really hard courses, but because I couldn't take as many classes as I wanted. It is hard to work a semester and only get 3 or 4 credits toward a degree. It makes graduation seem pretty far away. So I got discouraged even thought about quitting school and getting a license in a medical field, so I could have my own life. I just have to keep pushing on. I haven't been studying or reading much of my school work. I got discouraged about my situation. I am taking a mostly online class which is not a good method for me. I had a bad time at my other college this semester I had all online classes. I like to have in classroom time to focus, it keeps me more involved in my studies. I thought take this class and save gas money, it will also be easier to work with your work schedule since I am not in class much. Hopefully, next semester I can take 6 credits and feel more productive. Just have to push through the let downs and realize it will all be worth it when I get to get my Associate Degree and I walk across that stage. I want to feel that emotion again when you graduate. There will be tears. That will be a proud moment. I hopefully will get to experience it in about a year and a half.

So people out there who are having a hard time in school, I know how it feels. It looks pretty easy on TV or when other people graduate on time and things like that, but it is not it is a struggle between going out with friends and reading a book for class. Working and going to school or saving money to take classes. Just keep trying because one day it will be done and you will have a piece of paper that will make a difference in your life. You can do it!

I was a Bridesmaid!

My friend Valarie got married last weekend and I was honored that she asked me to be in her Wedding. I miss her since she moved away, but am happy that we are going to be Pen-pals.

Deuce Cat

Making Choices

When you make choices there are many different ways you can go, part of you may want to go this way while the rational side of you says no. In the end you just have to hope you were right.

Sometimes you may want something and it isn't meant to be, how do people decide to stop pressing the situation? Other people say "you can do whatever you put your mind to." I guess it is all a way of how you look at a situations and past experiences.People don't do the same things in the same situation. You may regret it later or be happy with your choice.

Stick to it

I started something so I should finish it.

Try

I am going to try. I started today.

Quote

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” -Groucho Marx

Just thinking

Maybe I shouldn't toss away my dreams like yesterdays trash.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me -Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.-Mark 11:24 NIV

My problem is faith not only in myself,but that God can make it happen for me. I have a dream and I push it aside for awhile and some how it comes back up. Maybe things aren't working out so great for a reason and maybe I am not as happy as I could be. I guess I am just scared.

I need a make better

My birthday is in less than two months. I will be 23. I haven't been on a date and I don't really know how to talk to men that I am attracted too. Maybe if I felt more confident about myself I wouldn't think..hmm how could they like ME? I try and look nice and modest. I don't stand out very much and I know this. I think I am going to give myself a make better not going to change my modesty though. Then maybe I will feel more confident.Start wearing some make up and get a hair cut ( I need one anyway get rid of my dyed hair). I would like to get contacts, but I don't think I can afford them right now. I will post pics when I get my make better!

My Little Wild Man.

You can't tell now, but he can be a wild thing!

Summer class is over

I finished my first class of Human Services. I believe I did pretty well. I am ready to start fall semester, after our break of course. I still feel like I fit in, which is hard to do sometimes. I am also excited because I joined the International Club at my college and Conversational Partners as well. With conversational partners you meet with your non native English speaking partner and help them work on their conversational English. I hope I don't teach them slang, but proper English. Anyway, I am just excited about the future. I wasn't active in clubs in High School. I used to be really self conscious so this is the first club since I can remember.

New member of the family!

Yesterday I got a kitten. I named him Deuce. He is black and white like a soccer ball. My favorite soccer player is Clint Dempsey who is nicknamed Deuce. He is very sweet and playful. Our dog who is about 12 has taken an interest in him, Deuce trys to play with his tail when he walks by sometimes. I guess he makes Beethoven feel young or something.

I decided to get a kitten because I wanted something to love. Everyone has their own lives and are busy. I just wanted a companion. My brother says that is how crazy cat ladies start..oh well. I am old enough to take care of an animal and have a job so I thought why not. He will hopefully be with me for a very long time and will live with me when I move out. This is the start of many new and fun things to come.

5 years ago today

I graduated High School. Time goes by so fast.

Alone

This maybe a little hard to explain. I am alone emotionally. I feel like no one can truly understand or react to problems or issues in my life how I would. We are all different and I can't do the same for someone else so in that since we are all alone in our own heads.Now physically I am not alone I live with my parents and my brother.

I would like to flip that situation and not be alone emotionally and be alone physically. Remember how I wrote a post about going on a vacation by myself. I didn't meet my goal of going within in a certain time. I should try and make this happen though. It would be a good experience for me.

I want to go somewhere alone. I want to not see or talk to anyone while I am gone probably just tell my family I made it there safe. Not get on facebook or deal with anyone else,but myself and learn and do the things that I enjoy. Maybe I would be more comfortable with myself and grow more spiritually.Take time out to work on me. Just learn who I am and love myself more.

New Major!

I started my first class of my new major. I believe I am going to like it. It is more me. I am excited for when I start my internships.

I'm just being Honest

My blog helps me to get out my problems and be more honest with myself and others. I am irrational. There I said it. I probably have said it before. I freak out over stupid stuff and have a hard time calming down. I hope I get better about this as I mature and get older.

Taking it one day at a time.

I am trying to live more in the now. Today is all I need to worry about not next week, tomorrow or Summer 2012. No wonder I have anxiety, I see a lot of the stuff I have to do weeks and semesters from now and the pressure makes me cave in I guess. Whoever thought of that was a smart person. All you need to think about is right now and leave the future and the present to God. Thank you God for continuing to make me strong and please help me to remember to take life one day at a time!

I feel better now

Blogging is good Therapy.

Man I guess should get this out

I don't know what my problem is. Lately, I have just been tired of stuff and feeling alone. I don't know if it is because I deal with things inside, the only person I tell almost everything to is my mom. I am such a weak person and I know it and I can't stand it. Sometimes I have anxiety issues big time . I thought I had gotten over them, but no I haven't. I cry over the stupidest stuff that doesn't even affect most people. I feel guilty at the drop of a hat. Even church makes me guilty, there is always something more that you can do. I have OCD I developed it a couple years ago maybe even longer which makes many things harder then they need to be like leaving my house to go some where I am scared the house will burn down and it will be my fault. So I check electrical outlets. People expect a lot from a person and I try to be as perfect as possible, it must be catching up to me. Sometimes I just want to be alone physically. I am surrounded by my family yet I am alone on the inside. I am depressed most of the time. I just want to lay in bed and not leave. Most of the time I don't like my life. I am very hard on myself. I have the best time when I am with all my family they make me so happy. So yeah I know I should probably see a doctor and get put on medicine. I just feel like a nut case sometimes because I have anxiety attacks ( I haven't been diagnosed though) . I only have them when I have had enough or I can't take something anymore. I have gotten better,but I do have a few bad outbursts of crying and breathing strange. I used to do this when people would die,but now I do it when I have an anxiety attack I believe. I just have to get it out. It is like I can't use words to tell people how I feel I just keep it in until I am done with everything. Maybe now I will feel better. I just get so over whelmed with life and my life isn't even that stressful. I just feel like I can't really do much. I need to take life one day at a time. Thinking of everything I have to do stresses me out too bad. When will I ever be stronger?

Hold me to this people!

I have decided that I am staying here and continuing with my education. I am going to get another job so I can pay for college that way I will hopefully not have to take out any loans. It will take longer in school, but I will not have to worry about money as much. Now I just have to wait till I am done school. I just need to take it one step at a time.

Chance

I have a chance to move in a new direction and to go somewhere else. I am a cautious person. So naturally I am taking time to think about it. I will hopefully have a set decision in a couple weeks. I want to make sure I have thought it through, I have thought about it before,but I was to cowardly to do it and it wasn't the right time.I have to be rational about it. I just hope that everyone understands or at least doesn't get mad at me. Everyone is busy and has their own life and I have to find something for myself. At least I will grow and have a new experience if I do.

Hmm...

I may move out sooner then I thought or at least get a break from it all.

Not Again... I mean COME ON!

So I was planning on majoring in Human Services. Planning is the important word here. Well I was going to have to take out student loans to do this. I knew that, but after I started reading about loans. I was researching students loans and saw some things I didn't like. Not being in control of how much I will have to pay back scares me. I don't think I will make too much money with an associate in Human Services and since my past blog posts have talked about how a 4 year school is not really an option for me and you could benefit greatly from a 4 year degree.I am stuck....once again. I have chronic change my mind in college disease. I don't know how many times it has happened and will continue to happen. Maybe I will change my mind back. I just have to think about it. I could finally see the light, not anymore.

I will be 23 this year.I have 6 months.I really don't know how much more I can take. I just don't know where I fit in in this world. I have tried to figure it out so many times. Many things just don't seem to work out. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me like I am broken or something. I can't keep going on like this. Things just haven't been working out.Thankful I have my friends and family, but they can't make up my mind for me. It is something I have to work out. I just want to get away and move on with my life.

Big day!

Today was a big day for me spirituality. I came forward in church to be baptized. I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be. I was afraid I would cry or maybe have close to an anxiety attack, but nothing like that happened. I did forget my zip code when I was writing my address down and my knees were shaking. My new church family was very kind and welcoming.

I have had anxiety about the alter call for many years. I feel more comfortable now. I went to the front during revival service today and prayed as well.The first time I went down two years ago at a different church I was so scared I didn't know what to pray or anything, at that point for me it was just making the gesture of coming forward. So anyone out there who has a terrifying fear of the alter call, it is ok you will and can have the strength to do it.Pray about it and when you are ready just do it, you will not regret it!

I need to make more of an effort to save money. I buy things I don't need to and have wasted money. If I want to move out when I graduate then I need to save more money, that is it. If I don't well I can add more months to staying at home when I graduate and that is the reality of the situation.

My Life's future according to me in High School

So I found my time line from high school. I had to make one in one of my classes junior year I believe. So anyway here are some of the highlights.

1.In 2006 I was supposed to get an apartment with Joann- Didn't happen

2.In 2008 I was supposed to go to China (Hong Kong)- didn't happen still haven't been. One day I will go though.

3.In 2011 I am supposed to get married- I believe I thought I would be finished college by then.I have not and will not finish this year, but that is ok. I will finish in 2012. I also don't plan on getting married any time soon maybe in 4-5 years or so maybe even longer.

4.In 2013 I am supposed to have my first child which I wanted to be a boy. Not happening I am not having a child till I am at least 26 according to me now.

5.Buy a house in 2014 that one may still happen depending on how financially stable I am by then. Just not with children yet or maybe not even a husband yet.

6.I wanted to have three children, 2013-boy, 2014-girl, 2016-girl. Probably will not start a family till 2015 or so.

7.Have a 4th child or adopt an Asian baby in 2023 I will be around 35 then. I don't think I want to have a baby at that age anymore. I will probably be done raising infants at 35, but who knows.

8.Move out of Alabama in 2025- probably move out a lot sooner, hopefully not too far away from my family though or too long just to discover a different part of the country.

9.Retire in 2030- I will be 42.

10.Become a Grandma in 2041 be approximately 53 that is a little young now that I think about it.

Things are different then I could have thought at 16 or 17.

It's Begining to look like Spring!

Moving out....one day.

I feel like I can't grow a lot living at home. I also feel like I don't have my own life. Since school is very important to me staying at home is more convenient since I go to a community college. I am hoping I can take some classes this summer and finish sooner then I thought,but I am not sure if I can.

I think living at home is holding me back. I don't really have much time to myself and have become unhappy. I just want to start my life soon and be independent.

Research

I have been thinking about wearing makeup since I feel pretty wearing it. I look really young and make up will make me look more older. I wanted to check what make up is more healthy for you then others. I came across a website that gives you information to make better choices about what products you use. They rated products and give you a safety hazard rating. I think it is a good idea for people to check what they use(not just makeup)and see if they could make a better choice.

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/

Weight

As I stated in the post below this one, I have gained some weight since high school ended. I am not a very healthy person. I feel like I get out of breath easily sometimes and I don't like sweating. So I decided that I wanted to lose some weight before summer. I also want to start doing some cardio and actually exercise. I am a very lazy person and it isn't going to be easy, but I am going to try.

My goal is to be 120 pounds or so,be more toned and healthier. I did some exercising today, but not a lot, baby steps.I want to lose at least 10 pounds before the middle of May (our pool should be opened by then)which is a goal that can be achieved. It is an attainable goal.

Almost 5 years ago...

I got a message today on facebook about my 5 year high school reunion.I know it has almost been 5 years and it seems like a long time ago. Getting it in writing however made it more real and I started to think what have I accomplished since then and things that have happened since June 2006.

1. I wear glasses all the time, apparently I didn't wear them in high school I realized that when I saw my graduation pictures.

2. I got my drivers license, learned to drive, didn't drive for almost two years, started driving again and got my first car.

3. Moved to Alabama with my family

4. Went to two different Community Colleges and got school figured out

5. Got my first job

6. Gained 15-20 pounds since 2006

Click to Give Websites

I try to click these sites everyday. It is a free way to help the world,sponsors pay for things you are clicking for. There are more out there as well, just search click to give sites.

http://www.ripple.org/
http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1
(there are others on the webpage to click as well, you can buy stuff to give more)
http://www.freerice.com/
http://www.freepoverty.com/

I'm going!

My Dad and I are going to The US Men's soccer game in Tennessee! I hope I get to see my favorite player Clint Dempsey. I haven't been to Nashville as well,so I get to see a new city. GO USA!

Dreamer vs. Realist

I have both qualities within me. Part of me likes to dream about going places and seeing amazing things in this world, then the realist comes in and brings me back to where I am. I wanted to go to the US Men's soccer game in Nashville. I was all excited, maybe I could actually go I thought. So for a few days I thought I had good chance to go. Then the realist kicked in. I need to save for college, I don't have a job, and there are more important things to take care of like my car,and if I go somewhere spring break. The dreamer has won a few times I bought a ipod touch and a new camera.When it comes to going places, the realist side of me usually wins, part of it has to deal with driving. Why can't I just take a chance? Why does traveling have to cost so much? I guess it is part of growing up,prioritizing.I heard a quote from a movie my family was watching some of.

"You can't measure the things you love in dollars and cents!"- Mr. Blanding builds his Dream House.Cary Grant is the actor who says it. It was originally a book that they made into a movie.

Thought

I could go a lot more places if I wasn't scared to drive on the interstate. I have drove on the interstate before, but the last time I did, it was pretty scary. I am not good at merging and I am timid, not good things. I need someone to check to see if I can go, I just don't trust myself and I am not good at determining which lane a car is in. I am not as sacred to drive early when no one is out. It is still hard for me to drive, when it comes to some situations.

Hobby

I started trying to learn Mandarin.I got helpful materials for Christmas from my friend Roopa. I am going to try and make it a habit of practicing and studying. It is harder then I thought. I have been listening to the Mandarin language on and off for a while,from songs and TV shows. So I thought I would have a pretty good advantage.Making sentences and learning the grammer is going to be really hard. It will be very exciting when I get it right. I also am going to try and learn Korean too. Though I may never become fluent in either language, I would be happy to be able to at least have conversations in another language and be able to understand. I am excited.

행복 aka Happiness

Well today I was looking thru my old music videos that I had saved to my favorites on youtube. I have one for Asian Videos and one for music in English. Well I was going thru my Asian mvs which I like to do some days. I listened to some music danced in my chair a lot and then started listening to my favorite Korean boy band from back in the day which is Super Junior. I stubble upon a video I hadn't seen yet since I don't follow them that much anymore. I watched the video and they have grown up so much. I can't really explain it, they are just beautiful to me. I followed them thru the good and the bad.

Watching them reminded me of how happy I used to be. I watched the video and I started crying even though we don't speak the same language I usually cry when they do. I just don't like to see them upset. I was crying this time because I was proud and because I missed them. I know that a lot of people probably find my love of Asian boy bands weird, but I don't care. I haven't listened to them as much partly because I was scared of what people thought, but this is who I am and I am not going to let society make me feel weird because I enjoy listening to music in different languages. It is easy to sing a song in English since I speak it, but in another language is a challenge and I love trying to make my mouth say new sounds (words,but they are new to me) I have never heard or thought I could say. I love languages.So maybe I am going to be more happier now. It is good to remember who you are and just enjoy it. I am me and no one is like me!

Bucket List Revisted

I have decided to rewrite my bucket list. I lost mine since my laptop had to be fixed and I can't find my copy. So far I have 36 things on it. Some things include swim with a dolphin,go to Asia,donate a whole paycheck to charity, get baptized, and volunteer or work at a zoo. These are mostly things I have an interest in doing not I have to before I die. It is just fun to think of random things you would like to do.

2011

To keep myself more focused I am going to make weekly goals. I wrote my weekly goals for this week. Maybe this way things will get done and I can take small steps.

Random goal: I want to write 2011 or 11 on every paper and not write last years date. I wonder if I can do it.