I'm just being Honest

My blog helps me to get out my problems and be more honest with myself and others. I am irrational. There I said it. I probably have said it before. I freak out over stupid stuff and have a hard time calming down. I hope I get better about this as I mature and get older.

Taking it one day at a time.

I am trying to live more in the now. Today is all I need to worry about not next week, tomorrow or Summer 2012. No wonder I have anxiety, I see a lot of the stuff I have to do weeks and semesters from now and the pressure makes me cave in I guess. Whoever thought of that was a smart person. All you need to think about is right now and leave the future and the present to God. Thank you God for continuing to make me strong and please help me to remember to take life one day at a time!

I feel better now

Blogging is good Therapy.

Man I guess should get this out

I don't know what my problem is. Lately, I have just been tired of stuff and feeling alone. I don't know if it is because I deal with things inside, the only person I tell almost everything to is my mom. I am such a weak person and I know it and I can't stand it. Sometimes I have anxiety issues big time . I thought I had gotten over them, but no I haven't. I cry over the stupidest stuff that doesn't even affect most people. I feel guilty at the drop of a hat. Even church makes me guilty, there is always something more that you can do. I have OCD I developed it a couple years ago maybe even longer which makes many things harder then they need to be like leaving my house to go some where I am scared the house will burn down and it will be my fault. So I check electrical outlets. People expect a lot from a person and I try to be as perfect as possible, it must be catching up to me. Sometimes I just want to be alone physically. I am surrounded by my family yet I am alone on the inside. I am depressed most of the time. I just want to lay in bed and not leave. Most of the time I don't like my life. I am very hard on myself. I have the best time when I am with all my family they make me so happy. So yeah I know I should probably see a doctor and get put on medicine. I just feel like a nut case sometimes because I have anxiety attacks ( I haven't been diagnosed though) . I only have them when I have had enough or I can't take something anymore. I have gotten better,but I do have a few bad outbursts of crying and breathing strange. I used to do this when people would die,but now I do it when I have an anxiety attack I believe. I just have to get it out. It is like I can't use words to tell people how I feel I just keep it in until I am done with everything. Maybe now I will feel better. I just get so over whelmed with life and my life isn't even that stressful. I just feel like I can't really do much. I need to take life one day at a time. Thinking of everything I have to do stresses me out too bad. When will I ever be stronger?

Hold me to this people!

I have decided that I am staying here and continuing with my education. I am going to get another job so I can pay for college that way I will hopefully not have to take out any loans. It will take longer in school, but I will not have to worry about money as much. Now I just have to wait till I am done school. I just need to take it one step at a time.